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Survivor's Guilt

from Good Grief! by Bridget Allan

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lyrics

You died at 3:10pm, the exact time I used to finish for the day in primary school.
We would meet on the bus,
I’m sorry, I felt embarrassed by your joy and affection
In front of the other kids

The pain had stiffened your legs at the end of your life
And the needles went into your arm
at a rapidly increasing frequency

We would meet on the bus
Serendipitous moments
What I wouldn’t do, just to run into you.
One last time, and get a bear hug

Survivors guilt, why am I still here?
I’ve never felt fear
like when mum said you had the death rattle.
There was so much left for you to do.
Go to the theatre, see a cricket game, be a grandfather to my kids

Now what do I do
My whole life was you
I saw you everyday

What do I do
My life was you
I saw you everyday

What do I do
My life was you, was you
I’d clean your room and wipe the sweat off of your face
And find things we could look forward to
What do I do
My life was you, was you

credits

from Good Grief!, released February 10, 2023

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Bridget Allan Melbourne, Australia

Bridget Allan is an indie/jazz-influenced singer-songwriter from the Mornington Peninsula. She is currently studying for a Bachelor of Music at the University of Melbourne, specialising in Jazz & Improvisation. Bridget’s most significant musical influences are Jeff Buckley and Florence + The Machine. ... more

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